How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
