thus making me awesome and them whores
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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