This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you had me at cake vodka
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
