I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
