He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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