I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
