My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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