Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
