shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
no you cant smoke seaweed
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
