Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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