Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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