shes about as inviting as chlamydia
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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