also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
