"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
