So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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