Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
