Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
