Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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