Where is the hickey?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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