What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
