just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
