my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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