I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
