come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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