Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
