3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
