I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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