well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
