THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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