Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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