i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
