dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
