but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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