I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
