I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
