FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
