I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
