so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
