I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
