Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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