i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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