if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
