this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
