walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
