True but thats because hes a fetus.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
