Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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