Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
