it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
