i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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