I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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