hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
