No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
