Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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